My series “Conversation with a bigot” documents not-quite-imaginary conversations, each highlighting a disprovable assumption held by those who have come to the false conclusion that “queer = bad.” Queer people endure the effects of this conclusion in all areas of their lives. I want it to stop.
Part I, Abnormal and Unnatural, is published.
Upcoming conversations: Part III, Promiscuous; Part IV, Marriage: One man, one woman. Period.; Part V, There are men. There are women. Period.; Part VI, There’s no need to think. I feel instinctively this is wrong.
Before I begin, please understand that in order to address issues as broad as those in this series, I find it necessary at times to commit the sin of gross generalization. Let this statement serve as a comprehensive caveat, so you don’t have to keep seeing warnings about it.
Also, let’s assume the bigot in question is male; statistically, more men than women are uncomfortable (or worse) with the concept of “queer.” If you’d like to dive into some of the reasons for that, there’s an interesting study in the National Library of Medicine.
The bigot’s statements are in italics.
Bigot: Gay men are pedophiles.
Me: All of them? That’s a pretty sweeping statement. Aren’t straight men pedophiles, too?
Some, sure. But gay men are more likely to be pedophiles. Look at the Catholic priests!
Before we get into the Catholic priests, let’s make sure we’re talking about the same thing. According to Psychology Today, “Pedophilia is an ongoing sexual attraction to pre-pubertal children.” That would be kids roughly ten and younger. The term doesn't apply to sexual abuse of teens 11 to 14, which is called hebephilia , or teens 15 to 18, when the abuse is called ephebophilia. I’m sure you’re considering this terminology with your accusation.
[Crickets]
Pedophilia is a disorder listed in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). There’s controversy in the psychiatric community about whether hebephilia should be in there, but it isn’t. Neither is ephebophilia.
Sounds like a distinction without a difference.
Oh, not at all. Because of pheromones.
Pheromones?
Sex pheromones. There’s a testosterone derivative known as AND (4,16-androstadien-3-one) that activates the hypothalamus—and the sex drive—of gay men. Straight men had no reaction to it. (National Academy of Science) And until someone enters puberty, they don’t produce sex pheromones, and they don’t react to them.
You’re trying to confuse me with facts.
[Resisting an eye-roll] Then let’s just go to the conclusion. Here it is: Gay men react sexually to male pheromones. Straight men don’t. Pre-pubescent children don’t produce them. So if a man abuses a nine-year-old, it wasn’t a physiological, sexual reaction that made him do it. Therefore, it isn’t associated with being gay or straight.
[Crickets]
Maybe we need to define a few more terms.
Heterosexual: Adult (that is, sexually mature individual) who is physiologically, sexually attracted to other adults of the opposite sex.
Homosexual: Adult (sexually mature individual) who is physiologically, sexually attracted to other adults of the same sex.
Pedophile: Adult (sexually mature individual) who abuses pre-pubescent children sexually.
Neither an individual straight man nor an individual gay man is more or less likely to be a pedophile than the other. In fact, pedophiles who abuse boys aren’t interested in adult men.
And while we’re on the subject, a report from the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center noted that among 269 cases of pedophilia, only 2 cases involved a gay or lesbian perpetrator.
Is that clearer?
But the priests!
Ah, yes. The priests.
Now we turn to the Catholic Church, which kind of defies definition. But I’ll have a go: A highly institutionalized religious organization in which, among other stipulations, ordained priests are required to be male and remain chaste. All right so far?
I guess so.
If you think back to all the stories you’ve read or heard about child abuse by ordained individuals, how many of them were Catholic priests? Maybe your memory is better than mine, but I don’t recall hearing about a Methodist minister, or a Jewish rabbi, or an Islamic imam, or a Buddhist sensei, or even an Episcopal priest committing these acts beyond isolated incidents. Does this mean all ordained pedophiles are Catholic? Maybe not, but it would seem that the majority of them are.
Remember our definition of a pre-pubescent child? Sexual immaturity was central. So if a child of, say, seven is sexually undeveloped, what’s the difference between little Grace and little George? Precious little. They both have soft, pink skin. They both have silky hair. They both smell good when they’re clean and nowhere near as bad as adults when they’re not. And when they’re with our friend the pedophile priest (who, remember, might be gay or straight), their voices are equally pure, and their eyes equally wide with innocence and reverence and trust. A priest is never alone with a little girl. He can be alone with a little boy pretty much any time he wants.
Referring back to our definition of a homosexual, if a priest is attracted to post-pubescent male teens, he’s most likely gay. But that by no means makes him more likely to be a hebophile or an ephebophile than his straight brethren. In fact, the National Catholic Reports tells us: “Gay priests are no more likely than straight clergy to sexually abuse minors.”
So although I would never say that a Catholic priest is more likely to be a pedophile than any other man, the institution itself might be said to make it easier for them to offend. And the Church has shown precious little enthusiasm for getting these men away from children, so the offenses continue and continue and continue.
[Crickets]
I’ll restate for the record: Men who abuse boys aren’t sexually interested in adult men.
So. Are you ready to agree that pedophilia is not a “gay” thing?
I still think it’s true!
Ah. Thinking. Yes. We’ll get to that in a future conversation. For now, you’ve offered nothing that supports what you said at the start of this one. So I’m calling it over.
Ready for next time? We’ll discuss promiscuity.
Slam-dunk.
[Sotto voce] Maybe not the way you think.
Disclaimer: It seems to me that the queer community is always in need of allies who, like me, can’t claim a place under that colorful umbrella, being boring old het-cis. Please count me as one of those allies.
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I’m an inveterate observer of human nature, writing novels about all kinds of people, some of whom happen to be gay or transgender or bisexual or intersex—people whose destinies are not determined solely by their sexual orientation or gender identity. Check out my work on my website.